Psst!
You know how us gay people always have an agenda? You know how the arch conservatives and those who trumpet themselves as the moral guardians of society are banging on about how we’re just a bunch of rampant fornicators intent on the destruction of society?
Well I repent, I’m going to let you in on the Gay Marriage Conspiracy we’ve been plotting for years.
It was all decided in the last meeting of all the gays in Australia. In case you hadn’t noticed, it’s an annual convention, and we hold it in out of the way places so the media never notices. Last year the AGGBS (Australian Gay Gang Bang Society) held our annual convention in Woy Woy, NSW. I was quite chuffed, because it was close enough that I could wear arseless chaps in the taxi to the event, rather than having to fly wearing them.
Here’s the checklist:
- Get gay marriage introduced – gay men can get married to each other. Oh, lesbians can marry each other too.
- Introduce gay conscription – all Australian men, when they turn 18, will be required to “go gay” for a year. No ifs, plenty of butts.
- Barnaby Joyce’s daughters to die as spinsters – that’s right, we wrote a special clause in for him, and that devious bastard discovered it.
- Stop having babies – gay conscription will be the Trojan Condom. After that, all young Australian men will stay gay. Mwahahaha. Then Australia will stop having babies.
- Australia taken over by New Zealand – with no new babies, Australia’s population will rapidly age. By 2070, New Zealand’s army will be bigger than ours, and they’ll overcome our defences in a matter of hours. After all, pink and gold lamé uniforms won’t exactly be great camouflage.
You see, the AGGBS is actually bankrolled by the New Zealand government.
Bob Katter, Barnaby Joyce and Julia Gillard are right to fear this dreadful movement.
Resistance is futile. You will be fabulated.
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