Saying nice things

The IT industry has a term, ‘FUD’ – it stands for Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt, and it’s something cast around liberally by a broad range of people and companies within the industry on an as-needs basis to try to make another sale, or discredit a competitor, etc.

It’s not necessarily about outright lying, but it’s about taking and twisting a kernel of the truth until one, or all of FUD has been established.

I think it’s fair to say a lot of us wrestle on a daily basis with our own FUDs – someone only recently said to me that our harshest critics are usually ourselves, and that criticism is usually in the form of FUD. In the last few days I’ve been wrestling with a chunk of FUD – individual pressures are easy to handle, but cumulatively, they take their toll, and eventually that means that FUD starts chipping away.

For once, this FUD has an expiration date; I just don’t know what that date is yet. The central cause of it is time limited, and so I just have to keep on plodding away until the FUD gets tired, drops off and I get to leave it behind.

But thinking about it tonight has made me realise that while we often take the time to say nice things to one another, doing it in public – saying something good about someone you know, in front of others, is almost frowned upon a lot of the time in western society.

Maybe that’s not so healthy. And maybe, just maybe, FUD doesn’t work so well in situations where we know someone has said something nice about us to others.

So here’s my experiment – I’m picking 20 friends at pseudo-random (where they have a partner whom I know, I’m adding the partner to the list so no-one feels left out!), and saying something nice about them. In particular, something that I admire about them.

In the interests of saving anyone from being embarrassed, I’ll only give their first name and last initial. That way we can all whistle and pretend I was talking about someone else in case the experiment doesn’t work.

(Deep breath) here goes:

• DarrenW, I admire because his heart is unyielding in its love for others, and he’s always got a kind word, even if he’s hurting.
• MelindaA, I admire for her ability to switch on at a moment’s notice and become a walking fount of knowledge.
• IanA, I admire because he travelled halfway across the planet out of love.
• KimC, I admire because even at her most frenetic, she’s always serene.
• KarenA, I admire because of her steadfast determination.
• TomC, I admire because he reminds me of the best parts of myself, but unencumbered by the hangups I had when I was his age.
• PeteC, I admire because he embodies life and happiness.
• GeorgeA, I admire because he proves that you can do anything you want if you set your mind to it.
• LeighB, I admire because his fierce intellect is constantly engaged, even when he’s relaxing.
• ClintR, I admire because of his open, friendly approach, even to people he barely knows.
• ChristopherB, I admire because his passion to help others sees him wear his heart on his sleeve every day.
• ChristianB, I admire because of his fierce loyalty to his friends.
• TimC, I admire because when he grows up he wants to be someone who inspires others.
• HoriaA, I admire because he has the courage to reach out to people he doesn’t yet know, in the hope they’ll become friends.
• SiobhánE, I admire because she reminds me on a daily basis how much better a consultant I could be if I tried.
• AkikoE, I admire because she’s without a doubt one of the most genuinely sweet people I’ve ever met.
• BrianN, I admire because he accepts friends as who they are, no matter what.
• DeanF, I admire because he can put aside being an expert in a field because of a deep seated need to help others.
• SunshineM, I admire because she strides through life with a passion for the new.
• JeffR, I admire because of his dedication to achieve his goal of changing his life.

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1. Nice one, Optus